Actor Jason Mewes is standing in the living room of his Los Angeles home, taking off his shirt. Positioned in front of his laptop’s webcam, he shows off the “15 or 16″ tattoos he’s acquired during his 34 tumultuous years. He lifts his shirt and motions first to an elaborate tribal design on his shoulder. “I got this one in Santa Cruz … and this one in Des Moines,” Mewes says. “This one’s from when I was 20, and I got this one in Utah after playing a prisoner with all these fake tattoos. The guy was gonna do a solid tribal on me, but I was like, “You know what, I want a face in there. Nothing too happy, though, not like a clown, you know?”

The irony is that Mewes is best known as Jay, the clowning, weed-dealing, cuss-spewing half of Jay and Silent Bob, the stoner movie icons made famous in director Kevin Smith’s 1994 indie classic Clerks. The role launched Mewes’ career while his real life became jagged, drug-addled, and far from hilarious.

Born in New Jersey in 1974, Mewes was an average hockey-and-comicbook- loving high schooler when his friend Smith, three years his senior, mentioned he was writing a movie featuring Jay, a character based on Mewes. Clerks, famously made for just $27,000, became a massive hit, and Mewes went on to reprise the role of Jay in nearly all of Smith’s other movies, including Mallrats, Dogma, Chasing Amy, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back and Clerks II (lucky for him, he dodged Jersey Girl), and land roles in little-seen movies such as Feast and Paulie Shore Is Dead. Mewes also developed a full-blown drug addiction. During that time, his mother was diagnosed with AIDS and later succumbed to the disease in 2002. Caught between professional success and personal hell, Mewes would pop up in a movie and then disappear for months. Rumors of his death circulated, and at one point a warrant was issued for his arrest. Now five years into his sobriety, Mewes has a new movie, the Smith-helmed Zack and Miri Make a Porno, that’s already generating buzz. Like each of his tattoos, Mewes has a hell of a story to tell.

INKED: What was your very first tattoo?

MEWES: My brother’s girlfriend gave me this little dot on my wrist with a pin, some thread, and India ink when I was 12 years old. More than 20 years later, that thing is staying strong.

You also have several tattoos of girls’ names, including Jordan, your girlfriend. What if it doesn’t work out? Nah, it’s not a big deal. Look, I have “Amy” - an ex - on my neck, and I have “Kat,” too. They’re all different chapters in my life. Jordan is the only girl I’ve ever had a real relationship with - we live together, we have a dog, we share bank accounts. She even knows the passwords to my bank accounts. All my other relationships revolved around drinking, drugs, and partying. The only time I think it would be a bummer is if I came home one day and Jordan was getting double-teamed by two big dudes. Would you ever have a tattoo removed or covered up? Oh, hell no. They all have their own stories.

What are your other tattoos? I have Kevin Smith’s daughter’s name down my spine. I have Justice League stuff, Daredevil, Bullseye. And this is Batman. This one right here on my thigh is the Road Runner tattoo I got when I was 18. Have you ever seen any Jay and Silent Bob tattoos? I have. I have a picture on my phone of a guy with one. I’ve seen three or four people with the Jay and Silent Bob animated characters, and one guy had an actual portrait of me, which is weird. It had the beanie cap and shit, sort of Jay, though, which was bizarre. Can you set the record straight about how you met Kevin? We went to high school together, and I knew who he was, but we didn’t hang out because he was three years older. After he graduated, he worked at our town’s community center, and every day after school I’d go there to play hockey, kickball, and pool. Then a group of us started hanging out and going to comic shows.

Is it true that he didn’t like you at first? Probably. Some of my friends were going to New York for a comic book convention, and Kevin was like, “I’m not driving a minor over state lines,” because he didn’t want me to go. But then our buddy Brian said he’d drive. So not only did I get to go -I called shotgun. I was being silly, and those guys were laughing at me. It wasn’t that Kevin didn’t think I was funny, it was that he was the funny one of the group and now there was this new dude. After doing seven of Kevin’s movies, what’s the best part of working with him? I know him and I’m comfortable. I’ve done maybe 10 other movies with other directors, and, not that I don’t enjoy myself, but it’s a different vibe because Kev and I have been friends for so long. Some of the other directors are so stressed about getting the shots, they don’t really care about the actors’ performances. If there’s tension, I’m tense. With Kevin, it’s comfy.

Aw, that’s cute. So you’d never acted before Clerks? I did a few elementary school plays, and then I did a talent show my freshman year of high school. We lip-synched to the Beastie Boys. Didn’t you work at the Quick Stop, where a lot of Clerks was filmed? Yeah, Kevin and I both worked there, and then he got me a job at the video store next door, where Clerks was also shot. So I’d work there, and he’d be at the convenience store, and I’d shut down the video store and hang out with him. Were you freaked out making a movie for the first time? It was kind of a blur because I was so nervous. Even though Kevin wrote the character based on me, he remembers me being like, “Kev, I don’t know if I can do this.” I was so freaked out performing in front of the cameras with everyone watching.

So you combated the nervousness with drugs and alcohol. Exactly. I’d get drunk every day on beer and blackberry brandy. I was also working as a roofer at the time, so I’d roof all day and shoot at night. I remember watching the finished movie in the video store, and I thought that was it. I didn’t understand the process of making movies, and I didn’t know about Sundance or Cannes. I went back to work and didn’t think anything about it, and then Kevin was like, “Yo, we got into a festival and Miramax bought it, and it’s gonna be out in some theaters.” That was cool, but even after that, I still worked. It wasn’t until Mallrats that I quit my job.

How did your new fame change your life the most? It didn’t hit me until Mallrats. This sounds corny, but I grew up in a small town in Jersey and I’d never been anywhere besides New York. I’d never been in a limo except for prom, and I’d never stayed in a hotel. The only things I knew about California were palm trees, Beverly Hills Cop, and 90210.

What was your first impression of Los Angeles? I flew out to do a table read for Mallrats, and I remember they picked me up in a limo, and there were the palm trees, and the song “Hotel California” came on, and it was awesome. Then, in Minnesota, where we shot the movie, there were, like, 50 crew members, and everyone was like, “Can I get you coffee? Can I get you this?” On top of all that, we got $400 per diem. It was surreal.

Did all of that money go toward partying? Well, every night after shooting, we’d all meet in the lobby of the hotel to drink, but usually someone from production would pay for it. I mainly spent mine on CDs and action figures.

You’ve been candid about your drug addiction. Do you remember the first time you used? I drank and smoked weed a little bit in high school, and I think I was 20 the first time I tried coke. The first time I did heroin was on my 21st birthday. My friend Mike was seeing this girl, and I started messing around with her friend, so the four of us were hanging out a lot. I didn’t realize they were doing heroin every day. At first I didn’t want to be around it, because I hated dope. I stopped hanging with them, but that lasted a week. Then I was like, “Let’s hang out, but please don’t do it around me.” So on my 21st birthday, I wanted to go out drinking, and they were like, “We’re just gonna sit in, man, and do dope.” I got some beers, and they were all doped up, and I was sitting there by myself trying to drink and be loud and have fun while they were nodding out and shit. Finally I was like, “Let me get some. I don’t get it, it doesn’t look fun to me.” But then I tried it.

And? And it was awesome. I remember cuddling with the girl and it was this whole new…. But it was bad business. From there, I started doing it on weekends, and then three, four times a week, and the next thing you know, I’m fully strung out and needing to do it every day. That went on and off for like eight, nine years.

At your lowest point, how much money were you spending a day on drugs? There were days when I had tons of money and I was doing a lot of crack. I was shooting crack and dope. You can shoot crack if you break it down with lemon juice, so I was doing both and spending tons of money. Some days I’d spend $400 to $500 in one day, and then the next day I’d spend $200. At the very least, I was spending $200 a day or $1,400 to $1,500 a week and maybe $6,000 a month. Then I’d run out of money and I’d have to get by. When I’d get tight on money, I’d only do $100 a day.

Did you try to get clean? I would get sober and work for a few months, like on Dogma, but as soon as I’d get home I’d get messed up again. Or I’d quit dope for two months, but I’d still drink and smoke pot, then I’d start doing dope again. Finally, I realized I couldn’t drink or do any mind-altering drugs. I was out in L.A., and there was a warrant out for my arrest for getting busted with a bag of dope in 1999, so I went back to Jersey and turned myself in. I knew they’d either put me in jail, where I wouldn’t be able to get drugs, or they’d put me in rehab and it would all stop, which I was hoping. Luckily, I got six months in rehab.

Were you ever tempted to jump the fence at rehab? Oh, yeah. But if I decided to take off, I’d have to do four years in jail, so that kept me from wanting to leave. After six months in rehab, I flew back to L.A. and moved back in with Kevin until I got back on my feet.

Was it strange to read about your life in the tabloids? There were rumors that you were dead. It was weird. I don’t read the tabloids, but I did have a cousin who’d read that I was dead in a paper, so she called me and was like, “We haven’t heard from you and wanted to make sure you’re okay.” I try not to read anything, even now, because if 10 people say nice things but one person says something nasty, it bothers me.

What ever happened to Rock Bottom, the HBO documentary about you kicking heroin? It got shut down. I was in a really bad place when this guy, who wound up being a crazy con artist, offered to pay me if I would shoot this documentary. I said yes, so he picked me up in a big Winnebago, and they filmed me going to rehab. After being sober for a few months, I was like, “Whoa, what did I do? That was retarded letting them watch me kick dope and shit.” Now that my head was a little clearer, I called the dude. He had told me if I didn’t like it, he wouldn’t put it out. But that wasn’t the case. I said, “Look, I don’t want it coming out, I’m sorry. Squash it.” He’s like, “No, we’re gonna do it.” So we brought it to a judge, and we got the footage, and then the guy disappeared. I guess he had kept some of the footage, because a year after everything was settled, it leaked onto YouTube.

Did you watch it? I did, and it was horrible - me all messed up. He put a hidden camera in the room when I was sick and going through withdrawal. Just stuff you never want to see. Luckily, YouTube took it down.

Do you think you still would have been a drug addict if you hadn’t started making movies? Oh, yeah. It didn’t have anything to do with movies. I started doing this back in Jersey with friends I’d hung out with for years. When you go to California, no one really offers you heroin or anything. It’s got nothing to do with movies or Hollywood or clubs.

Your new movie, Zack and Miri Make a Porno, is the first Kevin Smith movie in which you’re not playing Jay, right? Yeah, Kevin was like, “I’m making a new movie with all different characters - no Jay or Bob. No Brian or Dante.” He wrote this character, Lester, for me, and he’s totally different. He’s got short hair and he wears a wife beater. I even have my clothes off in a few scenes.

Whoa! Full frontal? Well, they’re shooting a porno, and I audition for it. I don’t know how much I should give away. I’m sure if I said certain shit, Kevin would be like, “Dude, why did you tell everyone that?” I will say that I’ve seen a rough cut and it’s really funny.

Have you ever filmed yourself having sex? No, I’ve never taped myself.

But it says on your MySpace page that your interests are “sex, sex, sex.” Yeah, I’m interested in having sex, but I’m not interested in watching myself have sex. I don’t want to see my pasty little ass going up and down and shit. Do you?

By: Alison Prato, photos by Mike Piscitelli - Inked Magazine

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Take one look at the half-sleeves blanketing both of his upper arms and it’s clear Montel Williams lives up to his talk show’s slogan, “There’s More to Montel.” Who would have ever guessed that underneath those neatly pressed shirts, this fixture of daytime jibber jabber is hiding intricate ink murals by the likes of the legendary Zulu from Zulu Tattoo?

The “moreness” of Williams extends way beyond his surprising love of tattooing. He’s an avid snowboarder, a skilled poker player, and an ex-military spy who speaks Russian and served in the invasion of Grenada. There’s also more to a man who, despite suffering from multiple sclerosis, travels the country as the spokesman for the Partnership for Prescription Assistance, an organization committed to getting drugs into the hands of those who can’t afford them. He’s also a proponent for legalizing marijuana for medicinal use. There’s just one problem: There is no more.

The Montel Williams Show’s 17-year run is up, the grand finale has already aired, and the surplus of unaired episodes runs dry after September. Has the man of more finally given the public all he has to offer? “Forget that noise,” he quips. “I’m not even close to being done.” We’re inclined to believe him.

INKED: Montel Williams has tattoos?

WILLIAMS: Yeah, I think most people are surprised by that. It’s an odd one.

What got you started?

I spent 22 years in the Navy and Marines, both enlisted

and as an officer. I came off active duty in 1989 and back then the military

really frowned down on tattoos, especially amongst the officers. I always

wanted one but never pulled the trigger. Then in 2001, I just said, “You know

what? I’m getting one.” My first was the snowboarder guy on my left arm. But

like many of us, I couldn’t just have one. It grew.

You have several tattoos of a human-bobcat creature. Where is it from?

That’s a half-human, half-panther alter ego of myself. He looks like Tony the Tiger on crack. When I was a kid, that was the doodle on all of my notebooks,and when I made the football team, I drew it on my helmet. One day, I was looking through a package of my old stuff and I found an old doodle. I thought, “This ought to be a tattoo.”

Your right arm has an insane amount of detail. What is it all?

The whole right arm was done by Zulu in Los Angeles. In the middle is a trio of half-human,half-animal people, and if you look at the half-man half-panther he’s got all sorts of things on him that are important to me. Going up his leg are all the ranks I achieved as a Marine. His belt buckle is the eagle, globe, and anchor emblem from the Marine Corps, while the thing on his chest is the Meritorious Service Medal I got in the Navy. Each of the half-cat women has a sword on her leg - one is the Marine Corps sword, one is the Navy sword.

What’s the stuff all around them?

Those are things I had to do in the military. I was airlifted in and out of Grenada during the invasion, so there’s a Huey [helicopter]. I rappelled and did some parachuting, so there’s a parachute. The two round circles, that’s really an “80″ for my Naval Academy class. Below that there’s a spyglass because when I was in the military I was a spy. Underneath that is a pair of headphones because, as a spy, I spoke Russian and I used to have to listen in on conversations. At the bottom are two submarines. One is the USS Seahorse, which was the submarine I was on when it chased down the other submarine there, a Soviet Typhoon.

You were on a sub that chased down a Russian sub?

Oh yeah. We were the only submarine to do something called an “underhull” of a Typhoon, which was the most powerful sub they had at the time. That’s when one sub is underneath another one taking pictures of it while they’re both moving through the water.

They had no idea you were there?

Nope. If they knew they would have killed us. At the closest spot we were about 15 feet apart. If the other guy decided to dive, we’d have been dead.

Do you have any tattoos that aren’t visible?

On the front side of my hip right over that pelvic bone I have a panther head about six inches in diameter. It went right across that bone and … oh my God … worse than under your arm, worse than your collarbone. My God that took me off the table. That was one of those five minutes, stop, five minutes, stop, for about three hours.

Is it important for you to be able to cover them?

Well, I don’t want someone to immediately have an opinion about me based on a first view. But I’ll tell you something strange: I’ve been on television for the last 17 years talking about some of the most important issues facing our nation. For the last eight of them, I’ve been doing so with earrings in my ear. No one has ever said a word. I don’t think you’ll find another news anchor or TV host with three earrings. Howie Mandel copied me. He asked me once how I get away with them and I said, “Dude, no one has ever said a thing.” The next week he has one earring. The week after that he has two! I shouldn’t be so worried about the tattoos, but I let you see them when I want you to see them.

Why was snowboarding the subject of your first tattoo?

It’s a huge part of my life. It’s unbelievably therapeutic for me because snowboarding is all in the ankles and knees, and that’s where I’ve had the most difficulty with my MS. For the last few years I’ve snowboarded over 100 days a year, but my schedule is off this year and I haven’t gone. I’ve tried to replicate the movements on machines at the gym, but it hasn’t really worked. This has been my worst walking year in a long time.

Are you still using medical marijuana to relieve your symptoms?

Without a doubt, and I will until the day I die. I’m a proponent. I’ve testified around the country in every state that has legislation pending.

Why is smoking a joint preferable to popping a Percocet?

I’m just asking for my doctor to have the right to prescribe it just like he has the right to prescribe morphine or cocaine. Under Bill Clinton there was a study funded by taxpayers that attempted to refute marijuana’s medical efficacy. The study came back the opposite. It said that it was the most egregious offense that marijuana was not being prescribed by doctors. People have to understand that the pharmaceutical industry makes about 190 different pain medications. That’s because not one medication will work for more than 28 percent of the population. So, I might take a pill and it might not work. And the next pill might not work and the next pill might not work. Marijuana won’t work for everyone either. But give my doctor the right to make that choice, not some bunch of bean heads wearing bad ties and bad suits down on Capitol Hill.

Will it ever be legalized?

No question. Right now there are 13 states that have already passed medicinal marijuana

laws that allow doctors to prescribe. In another two years we’ll be up to 19 states. When we hit 25, the federal government can’t stop it. And the presidential candidates are 100 percent for changing the way marijuana is persecuted,

prosecuted, or processed. So, the tide is changing.

Do you have political ambitions yourself?

Politics will be in my future whether it’s from an elected position or from a lobbying position. I believe very strongly that if

you complain about the ills of our society and do nothing about it, you should keep your damn mouth shut.

You’re referring to yourself?

I do a lot of complaining about the ills of society, so it’s time for me to step up to the plate and do something about it in a leadership role.

Do you think we’ll see our first African-American president elected this year?

I have no idea about this election and I don’t think most of America does either. We’re not informed enough. We follow the media with a hook in our mouths like lemmings being pulled over a cliff.

But you’re part of the media.

I am part of it, and I’m glad I’ve quit for right now. It’s offensive to watch supposed news pundits swill on their individual opinions in an attempt to sway people to vote the way they do. Most people voting this year don’t have the slightest idea who they’re voting for. They only have the media’s impression of who the person is. Some might say this happens every

election, but it doesn’t. This election is definitely worse.

Was there a watershed moment that created this climate or has it been a gradual shift?

The watershed would have to be the entire Clinton abomination with Monica Lewinsky. All bets are off when we start dragging dresses out of closets to test them for the president’s DNA. That’s a talk show. We turn it into Jerry Springer

and that’s what we’ve turned this election into.

Since you mention Jerry, how would you say you distinguished yourself from the other guys you shared

the dial with?

One: I respect the living rooms I’m brought into. You can watch my show and not have to worry about

taking a shower at the end to wash the garbage off. Two: The show doesn’t just belabor an issue. If I address an

issue like date rape, I’m going to talk about the situation that lead to what happened and discuss solutions. Three: I’m the only show in the history of television to have an aftercare program - and I’m not talking about three minutes in the green room. We’ve sent about 3,500 guests into aftercare, which has included full-blown medical surgeries and treatment centers for everything from drug addiction to anorexia. Over the last 17 years, I did 3,150 shows and there’s not one I had my name on that I wasn’t proud of.

In 17 years, there’s not a single show you wish you hadn’t done?

There was only one I wanted to pull back. I’m sorry I did it, but I was proud of the way I handled the topic.

What was the topic?

Back in my first year we did a show on infantilism - those freaks that dress up in diapers and run

around the house sucking on bottles playing baby. [Phil] Donahue and Sally [Jessy Raphael] had done it before me

and I had this group of producers who convinced me it would pull great numbers. So, I tried it. After the show aired I

said, “That’s it. Now, I approve every topic and every guest.” From then on I maintained 100 percent creative control.

And now it’s all wrapping up, huh?

People have asked me what’s it going to be like to be retired. Right now, I’ve got four projects that are close to being greenlit, including a reality show I’m producing with the NFL and the next version of The Montel Williams Show. Plus I just signed my eighth book deal. So, I had my finale, but I’m not going anywhere. I’m like Jay-Z: “This is my last tour… This is my last tour….”

One last question. Truth or Internet rumor: Were you a Swiss rodeo clown before getting on TV?

That’s so crazy! Do you know that you’re the fifth person who’s asked me that? Someone else told me that on Wikipedia there’s a whole thing about Connie Chung, Maury Povich, and Montel Williams leading some Internet relationship. Ever heard that one? One day my wife jokingly asked, “Honey, you’ve been cheating on me with Connie Chung and Maury Povich?” But, no, I was not a rodeo clown. That’s funny.

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By Tom Conlon, photos by Kurt Iswarienko - Inked Magazine

This rep is bolstered by Tracy Jordan, the comedian’s thinly veiled and completely batshit alter ego on 30 Rock, who is just as prone to bust out with wild pronouncements and other inmate-running-the-asylum behavior. Neither of these, it turns out, is really Tracy Morgan at all.

Take, for example, how the Bronx-born Morgan regards his tattoos. They are treated with the utmost seriousness, and when he talks about them, he’s quick to reflect on the personal reasons behind each one. They’re not trendy, they’re not designed to shock, and they’re really not meant to be any of your business. They keep him grounded. And even though the 40-year-old comic recently had to trade his old Boogie Down tattoo shop in the Bronx (”It’s no longer there. I think it’s a convenience store or something now”) for a swanky spot on Sunset Boulevard in Beverly Hills, don’t think Morgan has gone Hollywood.

Always the funny guy, Morgan parlayed his school-yard cracks into a stand-up gig at the legendary Apollo, which led to television roles on Martin and Uptown Comedy Club before he joined the cast of Saturday Night Live in the mid-’90s. Now, it’s all movies (he recently finished work on the troubled David O. Russell movie Nailed), a third season of 30 Rock, and not a care in the world, right? Not so fast. While the previous emotional bumps in Morgan’s life might have inspired a forearm tattoo or two, his most recent drama, a messy divorce, required the entirety of his back to absorb it all. But if you were expecting this to make Morgan somber and depressed, allow him to subvert your expectations yet again. “I don’t ever mess with the gift.”

INKED: What was your first tattoo?

TRACY MORGAN: My first tattoo was this one [points to forearm]. A happy face and a sad face. The same thing that makes you laugh makes you cry. That’s always there to remind me. I got this about 10 years ago.

Since your old shop in the Bronx is gone, do you have a new regular place? Yeah, on Sunset Boulevard in Beverly Hills. I forget the name of it, but Tupac got his “Thug Life done there. So I got the last five or six done there. I just recently had my back done, about four months ago.

What did you get? A lot of my tats are how I’m feeling at the time, what I’m going through. I got my back done recently because I’m going through a heavy divorce right now and I feel lonely. I don’t have my family with me for all these good times. I mean, God is with me, he’s always with me, but I’m feeling like it’s just me, myself, and I. So that’s what I put on my back: me, myself, and I.

Do you have any tattoos you look back on and regret? No. I don’t regret getting no ink on my body. That’s for life.

Is there a part of your body you would never get tattooed? My butthole. I don’t want no tattoos on my butthole. I’m freaky, but not that motherfucking freaky. Not my brown eye, goddamn it.

Are you good in the chair, or do you squirm? No, I’m pretty good. When I get tatted, most of the time, I get an erection. It turns me on. It does! I don’t know why, but it turns me on.

Has that ever led to awkward moments at the shop? Hell, yeah! If you was tattooing a dude and his dick got hard, wouldn’t you think something was crazy? That’s why I only let women tattoo me.

Do you have a method for talking him down? Think about baseball? I drink a cold Coca-Cola.

Ever run into a celebrity with a crappy tattoo? I don’t study anybody else’s tats like that. I don’t think there’s a shitty tattoo-I think people get tatted because that’s the way they’re feeling at that time. I just don’t like when people get the Chinese letters and they don’t know what they fucking mean. But when women have tattoos, it turns me on. It lets me know they’re fearless. Warriors. You have to be a warrior to get ink, man. That’s where it started.

Would you ever get a face tattoo like Mike Tyson? No. I do TV. I’m a comedian. That would scare people. I want to make people laugh. My tattoos are personal. I have one on my penis that says “Stove Top. Named after the stuffing. Bullshit. No, that’s for real! My girlfriends can verify it.

Did you sport wood getting that one? Yeah. Matter of fact, I came! Is this why people assume you really are your 30 Rock character, Tracy Jordan? It’s pretty close to me. I mean, he’s not me. I’m not Tracy Jordan. Tracy Morgan is a bit calmer, a bit more stable. Tracy Jordan is a figment of my imagination that I get to play with and have fun with. He’s lovable and people like him.

Did Tina Fey let you create the character yourself? No. Tina did that. Tina’s been partying with me.

She saw the crazy side of Tracy from when we were at Saturday Night Life. She just put that on TV. Tina works hard, man. She is the hardest-working woman in show business, seriously. But she’s a mom and a wife first, and she balances it out, and I admire her and I love her. She is my sister from another mother with a different color.

You recently went back to SNL for a Weekend Update segment where you declared, in reference to Barack Obama, that “Black is the new President. Are you usually this political? No, I’m not. I mean, I support Barack Obama, obviously, because he’s a black man, but most of all because he’s a visionary. I buy into his vision. And he has a vision for all people. Not just black people. All people. I’m with that.

So it was a rare thing for you to come out and declare something like that. Yeah. I love pushing the envelope. Some people might get offended, but most people loved it. And I was the one who said it! How cool is that? Tracy Morgan said, “Black is the new president.”

When people see you on the street, what character do they bring up most often? Brian Fellows. I did a movie with Ice Cube called First Sunday, and they bring up that character, LeeJohn. My core audience remembers Hustle Man. And Biscuit. My first character that I ever played was called Biscuit. My first TV show. You also host Scare Tactics on the Sci Fi Channel.

What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever seen? The scariest thing I’ve ever seen was the IRS in my building. Thought they were coming for me. But I’m a good boy. I pay my taxes.

What’s scarier: Aliens or ghosts? I don’t believe in none of them motherfuckers. What’s scarier is real human beings. Human beings are the ones that are scary.

Since that show is on the Sci Fi Channel, are you willing to appear at sci-fi conventions? If I had time I’d do it, because deep down I’m sci-fi myself. Planet of the Apes. Godzilla vs. Megalon. All of that. But it’s fun. It’s a different audience. And I get to be Rod Serling. You’re seeing me in a different light.

Your live TV appearances are legendary. Do you have an idea of what you’re going to do or say, or do you just wing it? I just wing it, man. That’s just me being me. There’s no alcohol, no weed. Sometimes on the Web sites people might say, “Tracy’s drunk. But that’s all me. When I get drunk, I get quiet. And I haven’t had a drink in a year. I don’t mess around no more. I don’t ever mess with the gift.

It’s probably because you never seem like you’re doing material. It seems like- Conversation? Because that’s where I come from. My sense of humor is based in reality. It’s like basting a turkey, you know? My sense of humor is the turkey, but I baste it in reality. When I was younger, I did a lot of written material. But that was a learning ground. It was based on my imagination. Now, a lot of it is based on my observation. What I see every day.

You started doing stand-up at the Apollo. After that, can anything intimidate you? I got booed at the Apollo, man. Can’t nothing fuck with me. Let me tell you something: Way before show business, I was making motherfuckers coming home from 25-to-life laugh. So I know I’m a funny motherfucker. I make fucking sociopaths laugh. That’s where we come from. We know motherfuckers doing years in the hundreds. So where we come from, ain’t nothing much to laugh about, but we found it. I knew just how far to push people without being murdered because in the hood, people are sensitive. So now that I’m making this money, if cats snap on me in the hood, I just let it go. Because I got it. So what does that look like, me snapping on someone who ain’t got it, giving him a reason to kill me? No matter what color you are, people hate famous and rich people. Most people avoid success. Most people are smarter than any job they ever had, but they avoid success because when you’re successful, people hate you and envy you. And most people want other people to love them. But I don’t give a fuck-you can hate me now.

A lot of people think that when a comedian becomes successful, he grows detached from the reality that made him successful in the first place. Ever feel that? No. My people won’t let me. That’s the one thing they’re stubborn about, they won’t let me fake it. I got to stay me, all the way through.

So you’ve always been the funny one? I’ve been funny my whole life. That was a gift that God gave me, when I was an angel up in heaven, before I even got here. I used to make him crack up. But I got into show business because I felt like it was a good way to get girls. It was just us, going to the shows, making girls laugh and getting pussy. Then it turned into a business, and we were like, “Oh, shit! We can get paid!”

You’re working on the movie Nailed with Jake Gyllenhaal and Jessica Biel. It had a pretty rough shoot. There were reports it was shut down. Yeah, it was one of those things, man. Unprecedented. The movie was shut down seven times. But it was incredible.

Director David O. Russell has a rep for being … difficult. Yeah, well, he has his process. I love him. He was cool with me.

Is it true your character suffers from a prolapsed anus? Yeah. I thought that was funny as a motherfucker, your asshole hanging out the whole movie

What did you do to research? Talk to anyone with a prolapsed anus? Hell, no! I don’t want anybody that’s ever had a prolapsed anus around me. You mean your fucking asshole bust out? I don’t want you around me. What the fuck were you doing to make your asshole drop out? If you ain’t have a baby, something happened.

Is there anyone in your family you can’t make laugh? My oldest son, Gitrid Morgan. He never laughs. Don’t even appreciate a good sense of humor. Serious motherfucker.

For more cutting edge tattoo coverage, visit InkedMag.com

By Eric Alt, photos by Mark Mann - Inked Magazine

Everyone has them. Hell, even my own mother’s gotten inked twice in the past two years, and she doesn’t even own a cell phone. Point being, tattoos have rapidly ascended the social ladder from taboo to typical, and nary a scantily clad male or female crosses one’s path these days without some form of body art adorning their frame.

Of course, whether said décor is appealing to the opposite, or even the same sex in some cases, is entirely a subjective matter. The “hot-or-not” factor has morphed from an attraction once relegated to the rebellious outlaw to the common man, or woman as it were.

Thus, the attraction to and appeal of tattoos have shifted from a desire to date and/or fornicate with the bad boy/bad girl to an urge to find either A) a partner whose proverbial tattoo cherry has yet to be popped, or B) one whose ink is so unique it invariably begets compliments or an endless parade of questions pertaining to the meaning or motivation behind the ink itself.

So perhaps the attraction of tattoos in this day and age isn’t so much in their existence, but rather in the stories they tell. I mean really, let’s call a spade a spade here. Meeting a potential partner/bed buddy becomes that much more poignant if they can not only formulate coherent sentences on their own accord, but also if such sentences can be strewn together to create a sense of intrigue about what would hopefully be a significant piece of body art.

And I use the term “significant” very loosely in this particular context. What may seem meaningless to a passive observer may indeed hold profound connotations to whomever the tattoo happens to be adorning. But that’s where the leniency comes to a screeching halt…

I’ve seen more “bad” tattoos in the past six months than I’ve seen in the last six years. And I’ve really been unable to arrive at any other conclusion as to why, other than people, in general, are unoriginal sheep. And as much as I’d like to reject that observation, I am continually reassured of it on an almost-weekly basis.

Sure you love your hometown - everyone does. But must you inform the world of your adoration as you traipse about the beach shirtless, visibly proclaiming your “So-Cal” love or “SD” pride? I mean really, come on.

You don’t see others with “Poughkeepsie,” or “Tallahassee” across their backs in old English.

So, in an effort to keep tattoos from becoming entirely cliché, I say be original. Use that orb situated three feet above your ass for something other than a (flat-billed) hat rack or pretty conversation piece. Instead, make your ink work for you, rather than against, and you may just find yourself engaged in a conversation with an engaging individual. Because, like distinctive tattoos, such things are becoming harder and harder to find.